Returning to the Blogosphere

Where do I begin?
So.
As my last post revealed, I had a kid. A girl. An amazing, wonderful baby girl. She shall be called Sunshine in this realm as 1) she radiates warmth and happiness like the sun 2) she is the center and focus of my life and 3) its the best darn nickname. These past 20 weeks + 1 day have been the most challenging and amazing of my entire life. I honestly don't know where to begin.....Perhaps it would make sense to give the highlights, both good and bad, with a splash of lessons learned.
Childbirth +. Throughout my entire pre-preggo life, the idea of pushing an object the size of a small watermelon out of my precious part made me shiver. I mean. Really? Well, I have done it and I have to say that it wasn't at all what I expected. I would classify only a small part of it as painful and the rest was more in the uncomfortable category. Its like really funky menstrual cramps that radiate around your entire lower region. And the cramps aren't all the time. Rather, they are like a light switch that brilliantly turn on and off. So when you are having a contraction the lights are on. When it is over there is no residual anything. Done. Well, for a few minutes at least. When the contractions got really bad (e.g. pain), I got this thing called An Epidural. Best invention in modern medicine. Ever. The weird thing about childbirth is that no one really goes into the details about the "+". The + is what happens afterwards. Your body is really funky for a while. There is bleeding and swollen bits and pieces. In addition, your body has changed to accommodate another human being so your hips and ligaments have to shift back to their pre-preggo stuff. You still waddle. While there are many "huh?" moments, all and all, I have to say that it is pretty amazing what a human female body can do. Oh yeah, thanks Mr. Sperm.

The kid. You know all the cliched sayings about being a parent? Like, "it is the most amazing thing you'll ever do in your life," "the love for your child is unlike any other," "you will do anything for your children." Well, they are all true. It is completely and totally amazing. I sometimes feel like my heart will burst because of Sunshine and I would and will do anything for her. Yes, it may seem cheesy but.....I have no excuse.

On the other hand, its been really, really hard. All of a sudden, I was given this new, fragile little being that is completely helpless. And you are in charge. You have to make sure she eats, is changed, isn't too hot or cold, sleeps and even hold her head up because it is too heavy. For the first two weeks, things were pretty easy. She slept most of the time and I had a handle on her other needs. Then, she became colicky. Colic is evil. Evil like George Bush is evil. If you ever have a colicky baby, my heart truly and totally goes out to you. Sunshine was colicky for about three weeks. It was a very long three weeks for us but I have since talked to people who have endured colic for upwards of a year. You would have to commit me. Around six weeks, just like The Books said, the colic disappeared and there was a giant step up. Sunshine became more human. And, since then, it has just been leaps of wonderfulness. Granted, we went through a period of evening fussiness and hourly night feedings but it is so totally and completely amazing to watch a person evolve before your eyes. And she isn't just any person. She is a part of you. Shit. Sofreakenawesome.

Me. The months post-partum can only be described as an insane emotional roller coaster. I used to think I had roller coasters during my monthly cycle. Ha! Get on the post-partum roller coaster and let it take you for a ride! You have such an insane mix of hormones and they are coming and going and surging and merging that you truly are crazy. One minute you feel like you are about to scream and the next you are in tears as you watch the hubby cradle your precious baby. You know you are working on three hours of sleep but somehow you manage to not only take care of the baby but do laundry, cook dinner, post pictures online and a load of other crap. You are superhuman in this surreal way. Throw in sleep deprivation, conflict with parents/in-laws/husband/the boogieman and you're nuts. Message to those considering becoming parents: Embrace the insanity. I didn't know it would be so nutty. Neither did / does the hubby. Once you accept you are nuts, and so does your hubby, it becomes better. I think...

The relationship. I don't know where to begin with this one. The Hubby and I have a pretty good relationship. I mean, we've been together for (gulp) nearly eight years. But this whole parenting thing has been really hard. Everything has changed. On one hand, I feel an intensity and richness in our relationship that I never knew was possible. We, together, have created a new life. See earlier references to amazing awesomeness. On the other hand, we have had major, major fights. You have to create a new partnership. Your life has changed. Your relationship to each other has changed. And it is hard. There are obviously icky details. There are crazy statistics related to divorce rates of those couples with young children. I get it. But, I will say, that it is getting better. Patience. Balance. Persistence. Communication. Constant work.

Ok. This is a super long post. Hopefully more will soon follow....