About two years ago, the Hubby was united with his biological parents. The experience has been incredible - from the first exchanges of correspondence to actually meeting 'bio mom' and 'bio dad.'
This weekend, bio dad came for a visit. This was the third time the Hubby and bio dad have been together. Bio dad is like an older version of Austin Powers. A Brit, he has horribly bad teeth yet has an incredible sense of charm. He grew up in the projects of England and 'escaped' an impoverish fate by scoring exceptionally well on a secondary school entrance exam. As a social worker, he met bio mom, who was an American working in the same program for abused children. The incidents related to the Hubby led to bio dad immigrating to the United States and basically realizing the American dream through real estate.
While it is great to hang out with bio dad and hear his stories of love and adventure, it is even more remarkable to see the origins of the Hubby. Its not only the fact that the Hubby has bio dad's blue eyes, tall, lanky figure and wavy, white hair, its in their mannerisms. They both gesture the same way when talking. When standing and talking, they hold their arms/posture the same way. Outside of physical mannerisms, they share the same passion - for life, politics, relationships, traveling and good scotch. How is this possible? Its eerie because up until two years ago, bio dad had about 10 minutes of interaction with the Hubby. The Hubby was about 30 seconds old so there wasn't a lot of time for implanting either.
While I have known the Hubby's adopted parents for seven years, I have never 'seen' the connection. Their interests are polar opposites from the Hubby's interests. While the Hubby frequently credits the differences to friends, the nature versus nurture question truly looms. I am sure, as a teenager, his friends helped change and mold his personality. But it much more of an attribute of his bio dad, not his adopted parents, to even seek social companionship and friendships. It is an attribute of his bio dad, not his adopted parents, to challenge authority and 'ask big questions.' Is nature so strong that these two people can have so much in common? I am an unprofessional and highly biased observer but feel that this is the kinda shit that books are made out of. How do two people who have never interacted gesture the same way when talking? Does nurture even exist? Should we just give up on parenting because genes triumph?
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The stories of a city girl turned country
5 comments:
You should still parent, because you can draw out the really wonderful parts of your child's personality. Imagine if he had grown up with bio dad, how much more like his dad he would be? Or maybe it would have created a stronger sense of introversion in him as a balance to his parents. Who knows. You do the best you can with what you got. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOUR BELLY!
Have you ever read Freakonomics? One of the things it discusses is that the single biggest determinant of how successful the child will be is how intelligent the parents are. Of course, how smart the parents are affect variables such as how long they wait to have children, how well off they are when they have them, and of course how carefully they consider their children's education, etc. But that as long as the parents were smart, the chances that the child would be successful are greater. So, you've got nothing to worry about! Your child will be super smart. Also, might have the same mannerisms as the Hubby.
Hmmm. I haven't read Freakonomics but it keeps popping up so perhaps its time. So is it how intelligent the genetic parents are? Or the 'in-house' parents? What if a kid is born to really stupid people but adopted by very intelligent people? Does the book run those kinds of scenarios?
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This stuff fascinates me! My half-sister and I are extraordinarily different people, which I've always found strange as we were raised by the same two people. But perhaps her bio-dad plays some part in all of that. Who knows.
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